If I were to trace back my life up until this point, I would say that this one thing is the cause of all the problems that I have in my relationships. In fact, this one thing is the only thing that's responsible for my divorce. That one thing is EGO.
In your relationships, sometimes you discover something that you dislike in another person. He or she could be your coworker or partner. Their impatience, lack of integrity, their habit of blaming others for their problems and sometimes these things triggers you to react to their behaviour. Without realising that what we react most in others is also in us. For example, I would blame my Ex for her lack of integrity, I would say things like "You say that you’ll clean the kitchen", and yet without realising that how many times did I promise her that I will clean the kitchen, toilet and to put the toilet seat down but I didn't follow through.
I don’t take that statement that says, what you see in others is a reflection of yourself lightly! Whatever that we react in another human being, it’s also in us. How come you might ask? It’s because the ego in you recognise the ego in others. Let me give you another example - as I was sitting in this beautiful cafe next to Scarborough beach enjoy the scene, suddenly this guy with a body full of tattoos walks into the cafe and the way he walks somehow triggered something in me and in that instant I realised that the people around the cafe didn’t even noticed his behaviour, the only person that noticed it is me. Why is that? Well.. because I was that guy once, showing off my tattoos, walking with a proud chest like I wanna punch someone. So there you have it, my ego recognised the ego in him.
In your life, the person that you are with or your friend. Have you ever wondered, what is it in them that you react the most? There’s a big chance that whatever you react in them is also in you. Now we understand the saying judge not, and you will not be judged.
When we look beyond the ego, what’s left? Kindness, compassion and love. When the ego reacts to the ego in others then what’s left? Blaming, comparing, judging, all these are inevitable when the ego is in play. It took me five years and a broken marriage to realise that the ego is the root cause of all the problems that I have in my relationships. So if you want to eliminate problems from your relationships then don’t let the ego come between you and your partner, coworker, parents and siblings. I suggest you remember this simple statement “No ego, no problem.”